


finish each other ('s sandwiches)

by domniall



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cleaning fic, Disney Song fic, Gen, M/M, together if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 05:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9976253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domniall/pseuds/domniall
Summary: “Showers are disgusting, though, like. So much mildew.” Dan said, swiping the broom around the floor the second time to gather up any missing dusties or random crumbs brought from upstairs.“Mildew.”“Dyew.”“Dyewew.”“Awrhnn.”“Blughh.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> You can read this as if they are in a relationship or not. It's pretty general and fluffy and soft.  
> Inspired by a tweet.

A lot of famous people have maids. They come to their house when the celebrity isn’t there and clean so the house doesn’t collect dust as isn’t being used. 

Dan and Phil aren’t a lot of famous people. They aren’t even famous if you asked them. So, they don’t have a maid. Phil had to pay his brother in candy to simply water the plants for him once a week so he didn’t come home to the death house. 

Un-famous Dan and Phil went on a tour around America, Canada, Australia and Europe, not famously, of course, and came back just in time to put out a gaming video everyday coined “GAMINGMAS” before leaving again for the holidays to their respective families for a much-needed break. 

By the time they returned from their homes to Home™ it felt like they were shot back into the outside world for Phil’s birthday. Traveling, parties, more traveling, getting stuck in a ride made for 4 year olds, falling down hills, warm bodies on cold islands, a bit more traveling, and eating moss was compiled into one clump of time Dan liked to call the Birthday Saw Trap. (“The more you try to tell people your birthday is over; the more people say Happy Birthday and ask about it! Cut my leg off already!”) 

So after the last celebration and after a much needed sleep until 12:30 pm, the two not celebrities Dan and Phil woke up in their home. 

“Literally do we have any dishes clean?! How am I going to eat my fucken’ Crunchy Nut?!” Was all Phil heard as he sleepily walked down the hallway, his classes placed haphazardly on his face with his morning quiff sticking up every which way forming a sort of halo like shape around his face. 

His feet padded with soft taps against the tile as he walked into the kitchen towards the kettle. Flicking it on and ignoring the grumbling Dan behind him, he reached up to open the cupboard. His hand, with its muscle memory, reached up in to snatch a mug from the collection of 40+. However, his hand grabbed nothing but air. 

With a huff, he reached further back in, already exerting way too much energy for just waking up, and searched blindly for another mug. To his surprise, nothing. 

His throat bobbed with a whine and when he raised his head to see inside of where his hand reached, he gasped. 

“Where are all the mugs?” He mumbled, his eyes widening to stretch the sleep out of them. The light was already causing a slight headache but he ignored the dull pain as he turned to look at Dan, hunched over. 

“Wher do ‘ya thunk?” Dan replied, turning around while chewing his cereal out of his own cupped hand like a horse. He took a sip of milk from the small glass he found somewhere in their kitchen before swallowing his cup cereal. 

“We haven’t washed dishes in ages.” Phil’s eyes tiredly darted to the sink where oodles of random plates, mugs, and utensils sat unwashed. 

“I’m going to die.” Was the first thing that came out of Phil’s mouth, throwing himself to lean back against the counter. “We’re going to die.” 

His mouth opened wide and he groaned out with a deep noise. His head titled back and banged once against the cabinet door which he cupped with his free hand. Dan watched silently as he chewed some more cereal, his own features pink and soft from being hardly awake. 

“Can you go buy me some coffee and then we can clean the dishes and kitchen?” Phil finally spoke up, letting his chin fall back down to his chest, his eyes gazing at Dan. 

“Why’s it gotta be me?!” Dan scoffed before taking another glug of his milk, finishing off the glass before setting it next to all the other dirty dishes. They both inwardly groaned before Phil chimed in. 

“I literally cannot function. I’ll walk out in front of a bus and die and you’ll have to bury me and tell all my followers it was your fault.” 

Dan pondered for a moment, looking up into the corner of the kitchen as if he was considering if he was going to be okay with letting that happen. Phil gaped at him, shocked Dan would let anything happen to him but only grinned tiredly when Dan agreed. “Ooowh, fine! I’m getting coffee and MAYBE something from Tesco and then we’re cleaning. All day.” 

“Okay! We might need some cleaner.” Phil winced a bit. Dan rolled his eyes and shuffled past him. “Text me a list.” 

While Dan walked his way down the street un-famously, Phil promised to gather up as much junk as he could to find places for it. So bleary eyed and half asleep Phil cleaned the cups out of his room, Dan’s room, the living room, and even the bathroom (he doesn’t remember having a cheeky bowl of cereal in the bath so the might have been Dan). He also takes the dirty clothes from his room and Dan’s as well as the office and drags them back down to the washer. Mid stuffing the washer as full as it can be, Dan walks in the door cursing. 

“Fucking bags, oh my god.” He cursed as he trudges up the stairs. “I have no circulation in my right hand. You’re gonna have to do an extra 25% of the cleaning for me. Man down!” 

“You got the coffee, right?” Phil asked, jumping up quickly from his spot on the floor to follow Dan the rest of the way up the steps. 

“Yes I got the bleeding coffee! Can’t you see I’m dying?” Dan exclaimed. Phil took a hold of the bags with Dan’s grip on them, both lifting the bags enough to slam them down a bit too hard on the counter tops. Dan was panting lightly as Phil immediately darted for the carrier in Dan’s hand.

Phil moaned as the too-hot yet perfectly burning liquid touched his tongue and he slurped happily. He also took a bagel from the bag sitting inside the carrier and nommed it down. Dan mumbled a “freak” under his breath as he unloaded the tiny bit of groceries he bought into the fridge before setting out all the cleaning supplies. 

“Okay,” Phil sighed out. Dan rolled his eyes in the least threatening way while reaching for his own drink. “Bathroom first?” 

Phil nodded. “I’ll grab my speakers.” 

So, they started in the bathroom. With their brushes and slightly too chemically smelling cleaners, they began scrubbing with Dan’s phone on shuffle in the background. Phil was on shower duty, scrubbing and rinsing and scrubbing again while Dan put another load of random clothes into the washer behind them. 

“Why is this so dirty? It’s a shower.” Phil grumbled, pushing his glasses back up onto his face as he continued to scrub. 

“Showers are disgusting, though, like. So much mildew.” Dan said, swiping the broom around the floor the second time to gather up any missing dusties or random crumbs brought from upstairs. 

“Mildew.” 

“Dyew.” 

“Dyewew.” 

“Awrhnn.” 

“Blughh.” 

They both snorted with laughter and switched parts of the bathroom. Phil was organizing the top of the washer now to the best of his abilities as it spun with more clothes while Dan searched through empty bottles of soap and shampoo, throwing away almost a dozen they’ve gone through. 

The song that was playing over the speakers finally ended and the sound of a steel drum came a cross to fill the room. They both paused for a moment to think about what exactly they were hearing before Dan gave a screech and demanded Phil quickly turn it up. 

Phil darted and turned the knob just in time for Sebastian to start speaking. “Ariel, listen to me..”

They both speak along in the slightly offensive but mostly just horrible accents, bright smiles on the faces. Dan glances to Phil in the mirror when the song begins and he’s singing into an empty shampoo bottle. 

“Da’ seaweed is always greena’ in somebody else’s lake, you dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake!” Dan swivels his hips with his shirt riding up a bit before he’s laughing out. 

Phil returns the happy laugh, his eyes bright as he watches Dan in the mirror. They both continue singing before they sweep the chorus together and sing it loudly. Probably a bit too loud, but everybody can enjoy a Disney singalong at 1:45pm on a Tuesday. 

“Unda’ tha sea!” Phil would exclaim with Dan pulling the softer and repeating backing vocals – “Unda the sea, unda the sea.” 

As the song finishes and their giggles settle down, they both realize they haven’t achieved any cleaning for their song break so they quickly work to finish up the bathroom and take out the first bag of trash from just that one room. 

\--

They make it upstairs and take a short break in the lounge which consists of watching three episodes of Steven Universe (“One more, please? I want to see what happens!” “Fine, one more.”) and checking social media, which provides a tweet from Dan. 

**@danisnotonfire** : deep house cleaning! i’ve washed shirts i haven’t worn since 2014 who wants a return of the ugly patterned shirt nobody okay i’ll leave 

Phil laughs at the responses that include “NOOOOOO” and “please dan don’t make me come and fite you” before liking Dan’s tweet and returning to the cleaning. 

They pull out the sweeper as well as a thousand other things they have shoved in the closet. They spend also 20 minutes looking through things they haven’t seen in years, from letters to plushies to hoodies they lost before Dan’s screaming about how dirty is and they’re back to business. 

“I need a cute little maid outfit.” Phil says as he dusts across the mantle and along the mirror. “Like, the black and white one.” 

“Yes, Phil, I can paint the picture in my head. Though, I think I have better legs for it, Stick-Man.” Dan points out as he shakes and dusts the crumbs from the sofa cushion. He takes the broom to brush them across the floor near where they pile the other mess before he’s going to do the same to the chair. 

“Excuse me! I have nice legs! So what if they’re a bit skinny; I get the job done!” Phil exclaims and he posts, cocking his hip before turning his head back around to glance at Dan. 

Dan deadpans at him, blinking a few times. “So you’re saying your legs are better than mine? Stop lying to yourself. My legs would look amazing in fishnets. Plus, your legs are scarred as shit.” 

“Touché.” Phil frowns to himself and goes back to dusting, getting the bookshelf and TV and the shelves around the doors while Dan fishes for things under the couch. 

Loudly, he screeches when he touches something under that he’s not expecting.

“Ew! What the fuck, why’s it all sticky under here?!” He pushes his hand down on the floor and has to tug hard for his hand to peel of the floor. With another groan, he’s going for the wipes to clean it off. “Did you spill a ribena?” 

“Why’s it always my fault? Just because I sit on that side doesn’t mean anything.” Phil says, not making eye-contact with Dan but instead letting his eyes shift. 

“Phil.” Dan says in a condescending voice before, by some grace, Phil is “saved by the bell” in song form. The guitar and bongos come in lightly and Kristen Bell’s voice comes first. 

“I call the girl!” Dan screeches as he starts singing along, forgetting about his sticky hand to twirl around in the middle of the mess of the lounge. “Okay, can I just say something crazy?” 

“Not fair!” 

“Phil, the words!” 

“Fine! I love crazy!” 

Dan is grinning big and Phil is lucky that Dan absolutely loves this song so he doesn’t have to be reprimanded for spilling that Ribena two weeks ago and possibly forgetting he did until now. 

“All my life has been a series of doors in my face, and suddenly I bump into yooooou!” Dan sings, holding endearingly onto his chest as he looks dreamily at Phil. Phil can’t hold back the smirk he gets. 

They sing their respective parts, each line getting more and more into it before the chorus breaks out and they’re basically screaming into the ceiling with their heads tilted back. 

“Love is an open doooooor! Love is an open doooooor!” 

“Dooooor! With you!”

“With you!” 

“With you!” 

“Looooove is an open doooor.” 

The finish out the chorus as song as they started before breaking out into laughter, throwing their heads back and hugging their tummies. 

“I mean It’s crazy. We finish each other’s-“ 

“Literally everything, we’re a mess.” Dan says but he’s grinning and his dimple sinks in as deep as it could possibly go. Phil only laughs. “Daaan, you’re horrible.” 

“Oh come on, you know it.” They talk over the song for a moment but they both happily continue singing with each other while sweeping and dusting contently as they sway and sing happily. 

They finish up cleaning the lounge with Phil getting on his hands and knees to scrub up the old Ribena before Dan scolds him again and with Dan putting all the cushions back on neatly and arranging the pillows in a way a mum would if she had people coming over for a Christmas dinner. 

Before they move into the kitchen to tiredly clean up all the dishes they own, Dan orders them some pizza and Phil could get on his knees and pray because he’s so hungry. With the promise pizza in the near future, Dan and Phil could accomplish anything which includes cleaning two 12 piece sets of plates and cups and drying them while the hum along to Moana songs. 

Dan turns up the music louder when Hakuna Matata blasts through the speakers and Phil groans but Dan just dances around the kitchen, a towel in hand ready to dry off. 

“Why, when he was a young warthog!” Dan sings majestically, pointing to Phil. 

“Daaan!” He cries. “I’m always the warthog!” He exclaims over the music, which makes Dan laugh out loudly. He kept singing through his laughter while Phil washed angrily through the dishes, frowning about being the warthog. 

Though, his frown didn’t last long when they both sprung at the sound of the doorbell. 

“You’re it!” They both yelled at each other, Phil slightly faster. 

“Ha! The warthog wins!” Phil exclaimed happily while Dan rolled his eyes and grabbed his card before he trudged down the steps. 

When he opened the door, he could still hear the music being played loudly above and could only smile to himself proudly. 

He returned upstairs a minute or so later and the song had changed but they couldn’t care as they devoured the pizza in the lounge, eating like they had never seen food before. Phil tweeted after his third piece while licking the remaining sauce off his face. 

**@AmazingPhil** : I’ve been cleaning so long I forgot to eat! I was almost a skeleton with a sponge for a hand! 

“Phil, why would the skeleton have a sponge for a hand?” Dan asked, browsing position enabled with his stomach protruding out slightly. He rubbed it and deemed it his Pizza Baby. 

“I washed so many dishes! I still have pruney fingers and it’s been almost an hour.” Phil shoved his hand into Dan’s face to prove his point which made Dan sputter and smack his hand away. “Don’t do that, you doorknob.” 

They finished the pizza finally but not before groaning out how full they were but how much they deserved this after their long day. 

“Are we even going to finish the rest of the house? Can we like, start up again tomorrow because I actually am not ever moving from this couch again?” Dan glanced towards Phil who nodded at him. 

“Agreed. Our rooms aren’t even that dirty. And the office is just dusty as usual. Tomorrow sounds good.” Phil rolled his head to look at Dan and they exchanged more nods before they were both reaching for their laptops and opening them up to begin scrolling. 

While reading through their tweets, Dan snorts at one he sees and favorites it.

“ **@hysterialester: @danisnotonfire** : why dont u have a maid arent u famous enough” 

Phil gives a bewildered look at Dan before they laugh together. 

“Imagine that. Us being famous?” Phil shakes his head. “Imagine not having a sing along every time.” 

“Imagine having somebody else clean our house. Imagine all the weird shit they’d see. They would judge us so hard, especially you Mr. Cereal Baths.” 

Phil gasps. “Hey! I like to get clean and enjoy food at the same time.” 

“Yeah, whatever, werido.” 

**@danisnotonfire: @hysterialester** : do people really think we’re famous? i just cleaned ribena phil spilt two weeks ago we are barely getting by” 

“You can’t tweet that!” Phil shrieked. 

“ **@AmazingPhil: @danisnotonfire @hysterialester** These are alternative facts!” 

Dan and Phil un-famously continued to banter back and forth on Twitter until they both passed out on their couch covered in pizza grease. They never cleaned their bedrooms but instead slept in again, and again. 

They continued to do Disney singalongs every day without fail.

**Author's Note:**

> [ my twitter](http://www.twitter.com/dompinof) boom boom boom lemmie hear u say heyo


End file.
